Being stoic without true stoicism can be fatal
On March the 8th, three-time world cycling champion Kelly Catlin took her own life at the age of 23. An insane schedule. A world-class athlete with ambitious studies. No time to herself. She once compared maneuvering between so many demanding activities to juggling with knives. She had a talent for everything and an infallible memory. In her farewell letter, she left us her views and advice:
“The greatest strength you will ever develop is the ability to recognize your own weaknesses, and to learn to ask for help when you need it. This is a lesson I have only just begun learning, slowly and painfully, these first few months as a graduate student. I still fail. As athletes, we are all socially programmed to be stoic with our pain, to bear our burdens and not complain, even when such stoicism reaches the point of stupidity and those burdens begin to damage us. These are hard habits to break.”
She goes on:
“Just as with your muscles, your mind can only repair itself and get stronger with rest. Ask for a rest day, or, if you’re fortunate to be your own taskmaster (er, coach), give yourself a rest day. Unlike everything else in life, it cannot possibly do you harm.”
Pungent.
If only we could have been there.
Realized what was building.
Taught her patience.
Helped her use the advice she gave but was unable to follow.
Kelly Catlin was stoic, yes. But true stoicism was beyond her reach.
It is a crime to push people to be stoic without giving them the means to attain true stoicism. The obvious shared roots and the fact that the Stoics were usually stoic does not avow that those who are stoic are also Stoics. Learning to be brave, to cope, undaunted, with fear, deprivation, hardship and the adversities of life is one thing. Forgetting yourself in the process is another. Bravery, resilience and serenity in the face of pain have little worth if self-neglect and gradual self-destruction are the price to pay: there is absolutely no stoicism in that. The teachings of Zeno of Citium, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius and Seneca are precisely that, although we must bear that which does not depend on us, we must act on what does. Distinguishing between what does and does not depend on us is a healthy habit. It helps us avoid getting weighed down by things we have no control over (how better to counter anxiety, near always useless?) and take action where it can have an impact (how better to counter procrastination or the feeling of defeat?).
But venerating the effort and art of being all-withstanding without denying one-self offers an immediate and undeniable advantage to people in a position to subordinate and command. Cultivating stoicism in others translates into easy governing and obedience: stoics take it upon themselves to work through challenges, display bravery, are faithful until death because they know what is expected of them. They see supreme value in their self-sacrifice, even if sometimes they lack the means to follow through over the long course. That’s because becoming stoic is not a one-man decision, it is not an independent responsibility and choice. It is not a liberty.
Becoming stoic is an enslavement that can be fatal when it is the sole source of one’s self-confidence and self-esteem. For Kelly Catlin, the glory, victories, notoriety and acknowledgement she got from her environment, and likely the fear of disappointing, set the traps that prevented her from asking herself the questions that may have saved her: Where do I seek validation of my actions? What do I answer to in my life? What depends on me, and what doesn’t? That is the cornerstone of Stoic philosophy. You have control over what depends on you, meaning primarily and nearly exclusively your ideas, your feelings and your emotions. The rest of our existence is subject to influences entirely out of our reach. That we must simply accept. However, what does depend on us can be the fruit of our efforts: we can reflect on our views, ferret out the flaws, scour through our behaviours, desires and aversions to see out how they (uselessly) curb our existence, and how they are sometimes contrary to our nature and to Nature itself. Stoicism is an ethic. A genuine and demanding ethic that -no-will not let you rest on your laurels, but will take care of you and protect you from yielding to commands that are not your own.
Closer to home, Bynug Chul Han views the glorification of self-effort as a social phenomenon:
“Achievement society is wholly dominated by the modal verb “can” — in contrast to disciplinary society, which issues prohibitions and deploys “should.” After a certain point of productivity, should reaches a limit. To increase productivity, it is replaced by can.” The call for motivation, initiative, and projects exploits more effectively than whips and commands. The trap is that such calls feel like liberties and numb our alertness even though “you can” exercises even greater constraint than “you must.” “Auto-compulsion proves more fatal than allo-compulsion, because there is no way to resist oneself.”
Unless perhaps you’re dealing with the Stoics themselves.
We can understand why Kelly took her life but we can also see how her coming to such an extreme could have been avoided.
If we were to use her example as an opportunity for learning, I would say the building blocks for self-confidence should be laid down our schools. This includes the gracious acceptance of our own limits as fertile soils for finding ourselves and truly sticking to whatever it is we intend to devote our lives to. Kelly Catlin’s brother, who was the one to introduce her to cycling, offered an enlightening theory: “She liked that cycling kept her mind focused, but I think she liked it most when she started winning everything,” Validation through peers and through glory. A sad distortion, as such glory does not depend on us and weakens us at the loss of something we thought our own.
May you rest in peace, Kelly.
References:
Diogène Laërce : Vies, doctrines et sentences des philosophes illustres, livre VII
Epictète : Manuel / Entretiens
Sénèque : Fragments, Consolations, Entretiens
Marc-Aurèle : Pensées pour moi-même
Byung Chul Han : Agonie des Eros (2012), trad. : Le Désir ou l’enfer de l’identique (2015)
